What non-violence means to me.

Non-violence goes to the heart of intent. For me, non-violence is a balance of do no harm and positive supports towards a peaceful reality. Within the totality of life, there are going to be fluctuations that take place. We have the factors of insanity, accidents and other uncontrollables which slams into us. Like hitting your fingers with a hammer as you build something, stuff just happens. It is the intent that is crucial in a non-violent reality. This intent must be honest, understood and trusted. The intent has to be peaceful.  

Since we are alive, there is a wide spectrum of what each of us will describe as non-violent. For some, zoos are violent, cancer is violent, prisons are violent, smacking a mosquito is violent, spraying your lawn or gardens with pesticides is violent. Due to the fact that we have this spectrum we need to resolve these differences – conflict resolution.

What is weird is that almost everyone will proclaim that they want peace, how we get to that reality is a source of violence/conflict. This means we must communicate in some manner, usually talking. At this point we have a simple question, would you rather work with a person you know to be violent or a person who is known to be non-violent? Most of us would go for the non-violent person and this is why it is very important to be known/trusted as a non-violent person. In the work of peace, the people that are violent are most in need of someone who is willing and able to go through the possibility of being harmed.

Each day, we are trying to make positive steps towards the reality of peace in our own lives as well as our homes, communities and the world. To do this we have to realize that most of us would rather work with someone who is non-violent. It just makes life that much easier, it is that simple.

Here in Canada we have to resolve and transform many relationships. There is systemic racism, systemic violence, environmental challenges, over consumption challenges, health challenges, crime challenges, and many other challenges. None of these will be fairly or satisfactorily be resolved if someone tries to win out over another. That is a violent reality. Being fair, honest and a true partner in peace is what we need. 

My personal peace

 Right of the top everyone should know that I am quite an intense person. Some people describe me as a heavy personality to have around. I strive to understand the world in as much depth as I can handle. My most difficult task is asking for help and taking the hand that is offered when I falter. This takes me to some very dark places and as difficult as it maybe for some of you to listen to this, taking my own life is a common thought. Although this may sound to be a terrible thing, I am grateful that I can experience the emotions of such a situation. It helps me understand the depths of despair. It helps me to understand the feelings of having no hope, no reason, no other way through, being alone, the feeling of not wanting to burden others with my shit, feeling that the world is better off with me gone. Now you may wonder what puts me back on balance, or what pulls me from the edge?

For me, this may sound crazy but the fact that I am willing and able to walk that path is a challenge I give myself. Each time I go down this path, I run into myself at five years old. I look that little guy in the face and he tells me to smile, go play outside, climb a tree, roll down a hill, explore, throw a ball around, shoot pucks or other such stuff. Then he thanks me for checking in with him and having the courage to continue on. We are usually sitting on the shore of a huge lake or the ocean. We skip some rocks together sometimes and slowly that fades away as my eyes open.

After that I take a deep breath and go play. Each day is a step, I am not interested in winning the race or even finishing the race, I am interested in doing my best with each step.

Causing Peace

 Working to rebuild myself as well as society and assist other people is the focus of peace for me. I sought out the most difficult tasks, the areas that everyone would rather not bother with. This area is filled with what most societies would say are the arseholes of the world. The criminals, the violent offenders, the people that are seen as unwanted. In most areas of where I worked in North Africa and the Middle East, the child soldier is one such example of the unwanted. Here in Canada, I have focused on youth who are either coming out of jails or are on a course to possibly be in jail. In all of this I have had to battle my own downward spirals into the pit of hell.

 Building peace is an exercise in sustainability. When a person starts or is lead down a path of criminality, the sustainability of society slowly erodes. As that one person begins to erode, there are victims and communities that will be impacted. Each will need supports to repair/sustain peace. To get back to the peaceful path there will need to be a great deal of work done. This is very much using the cliché “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” or “a stitch in time will save nine”.

The efforts made at the right time are the same efforts made when everything is off the rails. The amount of work expands with the damage down. These efforts are education, communication, conflict management, mindfulness, stress management, and many other areas of concern. The work is never ending and ever expanding. This expanding model is why each of us will most likely never understand the complete impact we have on the world. What is important to understand is that each moment we have a choice to make a peaceful impact or a harmful one.

With the child soldier or youth gang member, there is often little choice as they are faced with a violent consequence. For children, the choice to not be abused will be an easy choice. Then they are mentally conditioned to become the feared. This reliance on fear to gain self worth begins to fester and society erodes. This chain of events is the difficult task that needs to be halted.

It is easy to look to the adults who educated the youth into becoming the feared. It s harder to look at the society in which the child was raised because that is a systemic problem. What is even harder is for those who live in such areas to look at themselves. There is no greater fact than it takes a community to raise a child – everyone in that community has a responsibility.

There is no – “well it is not my problem” or “I got what I want so who cares about everyone else” or, “I deserve it just as much as anyone else” or, “I am entitled to so I am taking it”. These are words that start people down a path of causing harm, the slippery slope. However, the complex nature of communities will not be an easy task to change. It often feels like smashing your face against brick walls is a better choice and more productive.

Solutions

These are not easy but they are necessary. Peace is about building a caring society.

Be brave to say and act peacefully.

Explore the emotions which anger you. Seek to understand the feeling of the opposition, seek to truly experience what it feels like to be the one who destroys a community. Feel the isolation of hatred, mistrust, antagonism, the shit disturber, the person who always has to be right and the one that continually screws up.

Be patient with yourself and others. We know that we can not slap sense into people. If that worked, war would have solved every problem we have thousands of years ago. Also it has come to the point where common sense is not longer sensical.

Give peace to those you despise. For those that take and take and take, when you stop and give yourself the space to sense such a life, you will understand the pain of worthlessness to have to live such a life. Realize that giving includes a kind word, an ear to bend or a meaningful pat on the back.

Take care of yourself. This one will give you energy when you feel that enough has been given. Find avenues to vent frustrations peacefully. Find a sparring partner. Find a space where you can be comfortable and peacefully go overboard sometimes – blow off steam.

This world is a magical place, there is more to it than most people ever have the courage to explore. The crazy thing is that the exploration is one of the mind, not the physical. Be brave and explore the paths of peace. There are many children who are going to need you at some point. The world depends upon you to be peaceful. We already know what causing harm does, lets see what happens when we put a greater effort into causing peace than we do harm.