Sunday, January 15, 2012


Getting through the situations where conflict is destructive to relationships takes a great deal of effort.  Most of us have gone through a breakup and it is rarely experienced without feelings of pain and anger. Managing those feelings becomes more difficult when one side understands the need to manage while the other side does not or has no intentions of doing so. To use a popular phrase, this is when the gloves may come off.
It takes a great amount of effort to act peacefully. We are all capable of acting peacefully.  Acting peacefully means we must be willing to learn, understand and adapt. Learning is our greatest capacity. Having the will to learn includes understanding, listening and acting peacefully in the face of what is perceived as idiocy. Getting through difficult situations and actually engaging in the process of learning is another matter.  

Along side learning, the partner is commitment. Peace is a commitment to ensuring a the best possible solution for everyone.  Within that there is an understanding that you can not have all that you ask for but at least you will walk away as satisfied as possible.  Sometimes just being able to walk away is all that you can hope for.

For the most part talking is our primary form of communication.  Even though actions speak louder than words, the pen being mighter than the sword and pictures say a thousand words, speech is the common medium for sharing ideas and comunication.

In times of chaos when confusion, doubt, uncertainty and fear are all present, peace is often a dream.  At that point the smallest piece of order makes all the difference.  Just getting some order in your own mind concering what to do is the best place to start.  As you go about setting that order you set the agenda of priorities. As you engage in the activity of setting order, you are learning more about the situation.  The difficult part is to not get caught up in the frustration of chaos.  This is where commitment is most needed.

Learning has its share of set backs as well.  You may learn many ways of how not to do something, yet each step will provide information to build upon. At some point you may hit upon the fact that your vision is not shared by anyone. You may also learn that no one understand what you are talking about, which is why your vision is not shared. 

Each set back is the place where commitment and adaptation come in as you learn.

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